How To Handle Irritating Seatmates On An Airplane 101

Most of us have traveled far and beyond, either locally or internationally, which the latter I'm pursuing one of these days. Many of us have traveled short distance flights, maybe an hour or a couple of hours, but what about those long flights - transcontinental flights, wherein you have to prepare yourself for the long ride err flight. I may not be in the position to give a feedback of my own personal experience since I'm only able to experience short distance flights but I have heard different feedback from several people regarding their experiences of these kind of flights.

There are some wonderful stories of couples whose romances began with a bit of seatmate small talk. It's a treat when a long flight seems to fly by while you have been having a pleasant conversation with an intriguing seatmate, however, it can be excruciating when you want peace and quiet and your seatmate is intent on telling you his or her life story.

How To Handle A Talkative Seatmate

Have you encountered a too-talkative seatmate? Whose eager to talk all throughout the flight, whose insensitive enough not to know when to stop or why there's a need to stop. Well, here are some tips that I have gathered from well-mannered travelers.

If your seatmate asks you this phrase "what do you do?" then you can safely answer these replies.

• I'm a mortician - If your seatmate is a big fan of WWE, then the person has an idea what you are talking about.
  
• I'm a proctologist - I don't know if your seatmate is educated, but if the person is, then probably the conversation stops from the moment you utter this word.
• I'm a terrorist - this may not be the safest response after the 911 attack but this would be a temporary pause to your seatmate's yakking and you may need to prepare yourself of a lengthy explanation to the aircraft's officials.

How Do You Handle A Stinky Seatmate

Have you encountered a stinky seatmate that you want to puke at the onset you sat on your pre-designated seat? Most airlines actually have a clause in their "Conditions of Carriage" policies that gives them the right to deny boarding a super-stinky passenger.

I tried researching through Google and found out several lists of similar Airlines Conditions of Carriage.

The airline may refuse to transport you, or may remove you from your flight at any point, for one or several reasons, including but not limited to the following:

1. Compliance with government requisition of space.
2. Action necessary or advisable due to weather, or other conditions beyond American's control.
3. Refusal to permit a search of person or property for explosives or for deadly, controlled, or dangerous weapons, articles or substances.
4. Refusal to produce positive identification upon request.
5. Your physical or mental condition is such that in American's sole opinion, you are rendered or likely to be rendered incapable of comprehending or complying with safety instructions without the assistance of an attendant.
6. Your conduct is disorderly, abusive or violent, or you
   
   • Appear to be intoxicated or under the influence of drugs,
   • Attempt to interfere with any member of the flight crew,
   • Have a communicable disease that has been determined by a federal public health authority to be transmissible to other persons in the normal course of flight,
   • Refuse to obey instructions from any flight crew member,
   • Have an offensive odor not caused by a disability or illness,
   • Are clothed in a manner that would cause discomfort or offense to other passengers,
   • are barefoot, or
   • Engage in any action, voluntary or involuntary, that might jeopardize the safety of the aircraft or any of its occupants.

You may check several US Airlines Conditions of Carriage.

• American Airlines
• Continental Airlines
  
• Delta Airlines
• SouthWest Airlines
  
• United Airlines

After hearing several feedback from passengers who encountered unpleasant experiences during their respective flights, I have come up with my own idea on how to prevent, control or stop annoying seatmates. This is ONLY effective if you have a portable during the flight.

• Quietly and calmly open your portable case.
  
• Remove your portable.
• Start up.
• Make sure the guy who is annoying you, can see the screen.
• Close your eyes, tilt your head up to the sky and move your lips like you are praying.
• Then hit this link.